A Voice For The Mentally Ill

I just want to write about mental illness for a bit since this is the whole reason for my blog.Yes,I am mentally ill,like alot of people in our world who are.Some are high funtioning,like I'm believed to be regardless of what I cannot accomplish,I accomplish ALOT with the hand that I was dealt.I've been diagnosed as having everything mental under the God-fearing sun(Christian,please don't get offended).I am luckier than most still.To have an outlet to express myself,like writing is like a whole life line given to a drowning person.I realize how fortunate I am to have this,unlike most people who share my conditions and deseases.Contrary to popular belief,most mentally ill people Do Not have a gift,knack,or talent.Most mentally ill people are the faceless thousands you never hear about.The dozens of broken,abandoned,lost,absent faces that populate our planet.They are lost,forgotton,never looked upon twice.These people are the real reflection of the mentally ill.A mentally ill person is as good as dead in some places and cultures.He/she is mocked,beaten,and abused,outcast,rejected,and wholey misunderstood,yet most do not have a voice to speak of the absurdaties committed against them.Since I do,I felt that it was only fair to create my blog and to advacate to anyone who has lost their voice.These are their words.-Celeste

The Rocking Chair

The rocking chair that rocks alone,lost in a corner,forgotton and old.Sense lost to touch,creaky and used,sitting right there,dusty and confused.No one knows of the change in the rocker,the reason it is no longer used.A plank in the bottom,right under the right,is missing a chip,once held perfectly tight,the chair,now left alone.No one rocks it,it's dusty and old.-Celeste

Writing In Mirrors

Writing in mirrors,fear and lonliness creep on by,smooth,letting go of the reflections you hold.Yourself is more than the mirror reveals,no one seems to understand how real.Writing in mirrors,on top of the world,seeing myself,is no big deal.Through my eyes,used to be hope,just getting up is something to do now.Feel inside,instead of cold dead broken things.Feel like the living is more than my dreams.-Celeste

The World

The world is often cruel,it cares not of youth,it crushes all your faith,and steal away your soul.The world is often heavy,so large on my back,I cannot find,my state of mind,there is no whole to crack.I cannot feel for broken eyes,lost in spirits,I cannot find,smile so fake,I can't be here,alone inside,with no place to go.The world is often a cruel,dark place,it tells you all these lies,the hypocrites acuse,others of being,the same fantastic line.The world is a no good place,for when you are,it shakes again,then you realize it'll never be safe.No perfect place to sit and be.Lonlyness in a world full of beings.-Celeste

Can't Come Out

Split,cracked,broken inside,fed to the top,hated,despised.Lonly alone,fed up with the lies.Broken down demon spirit,full of heartless cries.Cracked,forever broken,in tangles I become,shameless in notions,cut deeply like a knife,mabe it's better,if we don't feel at all,never repaired from a broken spirit fall.-Celeste

Guilt and blame

I did it,that is sure.I did it,now I'm here.At the pit of guilty,honest,youth.At the bottom,I found the truth.I did it,too,it is the rest,put the demons to the test.Cannot figure,what moves me now,fear is all,I'm feeling now.Pave my path,and find my road,no body knows,of the things I've done...*Charlie*

*PLEASE NOTE*

Now,I have been reading this book by Rosie O'Donnell within the past few days,called "Find me". the really strange thing about all of this is that I wrote most of my posts before reading the book,yet they seem to match alot of what is written in the book,uncanny and similer.I have NO connections to this book legally,literally,or morally.I only offered a clear depictment of my own life in account of what my OWN experiences have been thus far in a abstact sort of puzzle-pieces way.In no way do I claim,copy,or Apire after this,or any other book written by other persons.Please note that I picked up this book at a local antique shop in the used books section.I've published my posts BEFORE Even Cracking it,and feel a duty to inform my readers of this.My life story is genuine,and as the old saying goes "You can't make this stuff up".Well,mabe you can,but I'm not.thanks.-Celeste

This is an excert taken from a book called "Find Me" by Rosie O'Donnell

Spingles;spine tingles.Twin brothers both survive a house of horrors,a cold cruel childhood full of beatings and bruises.A hurtful hate-filled past that tore them apart inside,and from each other.One brother goes on to be the CEO of a fortune 500 company.He does not see or think of his family of origin.He has created a new life,with a loving wife and happy children.A life rife with hope and health.His twin,however,has not been as luckey.He is in jail on death row.His last wish is to see his twin once more.Through a thick Plexiglas barrier,over cracking phone lines,the brothers stare at each other.Silence.A guard taps the prisoner on the shoulder,telling him visiting hour is almost over.the convicted man looks across the scratched window and sees his own face in a buisness suit staring back at him.Finially he speaks."After all we suffered,how could you succeed?" he asks.The twin loostens his tie,takes a deep breath,and answers him, "After all we suffered,how could you not?"

This Was Written By An Author Unknown To Me Taken In Exerpt From A Book Titled:"Find Me" By Rosie O'Donnell.

All are hatched-none are born-Look the same-don't belong-Darkness lingers-beneath skin- Hallow haunted-others sins-Try to hide-runaway-Shower off-dirt and clay-Futile tries-all can see-Others who are just like we-Safe in the damp-cruel and cold-Young and scared-even when old-See and nod-in passing try-To hold a glance-with fratured eyes-Few make it out-most never do-I'm a swamp person-are you?

Beyond This Door Lies Comfort

You are scared to open,so lost and confused,beyond that face,where your soul was used.You cannot see,most of who I am,because I am scared of hurting you,too.Even though you offer your hand in support,I cannot take it,I cannot look-so far beyond of all that's real,afraid to lose,the ability to heal.You may think that you've been revealed,but lies in your mind,tell you It's not true.The world owes me nothing,as I owe the world,too,no one can save me,and I can't seem to be able to save you.Beyond the closed door,lies in wait,all of the goodness that makes me afraid.-Celeste

Face Yourself

I can't fix you,in your world all alone,haunted and screaming,insanity prone.Where do you go,when you're lost in your eyes? Is it so far away,you are trapped there inside? Come out with lies that sound better than truth,because people can't hear,of your horrible abuse,misused and scared so,they cannot see,that you are not in control of the PTSD.It's not my fault,either,for that I am sure,I did not know you when I knocked on the door.-Celeste

Inner

Inner Demons,Haunt the graves,of inner sorrows,sick-depraved.Take away,your weakness now,come to fight,begin your prowl.Don't let go,your fear's too deep-fight off suffering,Reveal in the sheep,a wayward wolf,haunting the dead,of endless torment in your head.-Celeste

I see you,too

I see you too,behind those lines,I see right through,your selfish lies,I hear your voice,beyond your words,and though you try,you sound obsurd.If you could only see,the things I see,behind your face,so close to me,then you would find,it harder to hide,your evil spirit,from truth and lies.I see you there,I know you see me,can you talk,or communicate beliefs? You do not know,just how to be,you feel threatened,'Cause the spotlight's on me.*Charlie*

The God Complex

You stand up tall,knowing nothing at all,yet you bring us down,you are so small.You can't fit in,anywhere you go,always looking around,for more harm to bring us.You are a troll,a Cloned low life of every other,you are not like us,all of the good,caring people.If birds of a feather,surely flock all together,it's a good thing that you don't stay around us for long.If you feel cracked and splentered,incomplete or torn,we do too,and have had worse for our worn.If you cannot see how it could be,so much better for you to drop the God complex,and hang out on Earth awile...please? -Celeste

Unsuspecting

Pool of water,deep blue specks of happiness,a resound soul,emptying to the depth,a trickle of bright light,down a raven,fresh innocence,new to the space around.Travel down the spiral world,before you know,demons beckon,to steal your soul away from you,taking light out of your eyes,keeping it for their own,selfish gleam,your special trust.You don't know of the soul eaters,but they know you.One look is all they need,and they all jump,so you have no chance.It's given away to one glance in your unsuspecting eyes.*Charlie*

Adversity

She said it was because I smiled,but that didn't stop me from smiling.She said that it was because I was so beautiful,but that didn't keep me from looking in the mirror.She said it was because she loved me,but that didn't stop me from knowing what real love is.She said it was because she couldn't help herself,but I've helped her on many occassions.all these lies,she spoke to me,as a child,for her pleasure,I was used to please,and all the time,I couldn't have known,all the lies she told me would make me strong.*Charlie*

Albert,He Ain't Me*

Albert and me differ on many things.Our logic is different,our quotes are different.We are not the same person.We are alike in some ways.We are both learning delayed,or in Albert's case,WAS,because Albert is dead,as some day I will be as well.I have come to realize certain other things in my life as well,thus far,for instance,I am not Emily Dickinson,or the Jewish girl who was kept in hiding for the duration of the Holocaust,I am not Helen Keller or The curer of cancer.We are different because They all 'Made It',and I didn't.Some others were discovered by accident,or a twist of faith.Some after Death,and some still,in life.Some of these individuals were able to realize their achievements before ultimate perishment. Some were not,if that is not to redundant.I am just another nobody face hidden behind Mental Illness,The uphill struggle of,like many others.I wish to be remembered,but have no clue as to how.I am no celebrity,or Nobel Prize winner,Scholar,though I DO thirst for knowledge.I am just another lonely heart trapped behind the face of Mental Illness.I want to chase my dreams,but my monsters end up chasing me instead.I want to be optimistic and hopeful,but I'm still teaching myself how.My dreams are out of reach,but that doesn't stop me from grabbing,and even though I come up empty handed,I continue to try.My hope is that someday,I am able to help others by first helping myself.I never thought That I was strong enough,but I'm fighting back now,and Mental Illness may be holding me down,but I still try to make it let me go,after all,I'm not dead yet.*Charlie*