Raw

Raw emotion,silent fear-setting in numb,blocking the tears-Feeling no emotions,letting none out,under the microscope,feeling something now. Rage and shame,boiled down-fear and agony,siiliness now. Feelings of strandedness,feeling one now-lonley abandonment,feel that way now. Take me out-this place of rest,where raw and over feelings,temper and infest-all misunderstood,I feel to bad right now-feelings under hood,suppressed,underdressed,take it all apart now. Don't you bring me back to more pain,I need to heal,I can't take the blame-life is short,for so much rain-dingy damper,I feel the shame. Don't look back...*Charlie*

Deep

Deep inside,I go to hide,I run away,from fear and lies-I tell the truth,to my starving heart,and take me apart,how I'm torn apart. Keep me ruined,around your bad,cherished me never,I am so sad-to feel no love,is a world so bad,it cannot feel,after numbing up my glad-couldn't feel pain,but couldn't feel love,took me away,to retreat from this place-want to never go back-would rather feel the pain of a thousand deaths than to starve in silence...*Charlie*

Don't judge

Don't judge me,I'm not like her,I used to be a kid when it occured-I never felt,wanted,but abused,misused,and scared. I'm not like her,I swear-people told me that somehow,I would be,but I'm not like her,I swear-just don't judge me,please,I care-you're NOT REAL to me,so don't stare. The ugliness of your words cut me DEEPLY,but I will remove the offending post from my blooger.*Charlie*

Me

(I)Finially got some sleep! 7 WHOLE hours!!! YAY! For anyone who's interested,I'm am an ethical mixter of Cajun French and Native American(Houma Indian,as the Tribe is refered to)-does anyone else get this? How about that stupid question,on every survey you fill out(or even on some forms of applications)that asks you your race,country of origin,etc.,etc. I REALLY DON'T mind answering this question,I just get sick of having to click the (OTHER) butten,then not be able to explain(everyone else gets to let people know who they are,and where they came from(Country of Origion,etc.,etc.,etc.)so,I feel,WHY CAN'T I? If you can imagine Rachael Ray(If you know what she looks like,than you can simularly picture me. Although Rachael is A mix of Cajun French and Italian,she is the closest in similarity that I can come up with that more people can understand without being able to see me(NOT getting A Web cam anytime soon,trust me!)Just thought I'd speak what I'd been thinking for the past 2 days(lack of sleep got me frizzled!) My two older sisters and I have the same 2 parents,mother and father,but I also have a younger sister,who is my half sister that is one half Cajun French,and one part black,one part Naveho Indian(WE are a very BLENDED bunch of folks,my sisters and I! That's all for now! *Charlie*

Time

I've lost track,of the days behind,insomnia took over,and I can't find-the minutes,the hours,the peace of living,I have not eaten,I'm still not hungry. I don't know why,the wind's taken over-my soul is left,with shattered dreams-emerse myself,in addictions,to escape from pain-I feel alert all days,constantly playing video games-tireless music,endless song-the internet,computer,I think I'm high strung. Tapping away,planning an escape,endless poetry,follows in my wake-I think I'm bi-polar,I think I'm sressed,neglect and starvation,is all that's left...to control my feel,to feel something at all,I cannot flee,from the clock on the wall!*Charlie* Don't look a CharlieHorse in the mouth! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Crazy

Crazy is,what crazy does,like Forrest Gump,I wait for the bus-whatever my number,I cannot see,just how harsh the world is,looking at me. Critisizing,not sympatizing,catorgorizing,so hypnatizing. What can I do,can I finially be-the perfect ideal of what it is to be free?...*Charlie*

MOMENTS: i cried to much,the tears dried up-i have none left,to fill my empty cup-life has its' grief,the misory is untold,how can i heal,from these boken open wounds? i thought i'd died,burried the ashes inside-i thought i had lost-everything of pride. what i didn't know,was of my power to survive-these tears i cry,are proof that i have tried...*Charlie*

Feel: We can make things better in the world all around us,even though there's bad,everywhere we go. I love and have feelings,even if they've numed from the pain burried so deep. The trama in my life has overcome my emotions-for some things I just don't know how to let go-my demons in my past,like alot of people,has deamed me inadequit to funtion on a level that is consistent with mainstream society. Try reading: Black Beauty,the book. It's about the life of a horse,told through the eyes of a horse-it might help to give you some insights like it helped me,and I think,we can all do with a little touch-up in the empathy department*Charlie*

Harsh World

I Don't mean to be so distant,I don't mean to be so cold,but it seems "The People" is always judging me,so where do I go? I juggle "it" in my world,I refuse to be inside theirs'. They Don't seem to wanna understand-my darkness is non-violent,but true. Blue.This Is A Poem-What I do to get me through my day.My spirit's so numb,I need an ice-pick to chip it away...-Celeste